Peter - Episode 4
Bachelor Nation.
Wow. I am at a loss for words. This episode was so jam-packed with drama I barely know where to begin. Any individual thing that happened on this episode would have been the most dramatic thing to happen on any other season. What I learned from watching this is that Peter is even worse at making decisions than Hannah B, which is really saying something. Do I think he’s jeopardizing his own shot at finding happiness? You betcha. Is it FANTASTIC television? 1000%.
Cleveland here they come!
Chris Harrison shows up to tell the remaining ladies that Peter has left LA, but they will be joining him in...drumroll please….Cleveland, Ohio?? Now, the Bachelor/ette has gone to some, lets just say, less than thrilling cities - Richmond, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, The Mohegan Sun in Uncasville CT - but the producers clearly go back and make them pretend to be as excited for the camera as if they were going to Bora Bora. Not for Cleveland. This is the general mood in the room:
Ok I guess
Either Cleveland was so disappointing the producers couldn’t even make the ladies fake being excited, or the Cleveland Tourism Board was like, “No one is going to buy that they’re really excited. Let’s play the, ‘Cleveland: It’s better than you thought it would be’ angle”.
It doesn’t start off strong. Peter starts his b-roll by claiming: “Cleveland! This is where Superman came from Clark Kent was born here!!”. Now, yes there is a way this is technically correct. The creator of Superman lived in Cleveland. However, we all know that Superman grew up in Smallville, Kansas. And as someone from Kansas, we don’t have a lot going on - don’t take this away from us!
OG Tyler introduced me to an amazing set of videos this week - Hastily Made Cleveland tourism video Part 1 and Part 2. This episode was essentially just a shot for shot remake of this video. I did a small comparison for you
Sorry to all my Cleveland friends - I’d be happy to come visit.
Victoria F’s 1-on-1: The best “coincidence”
This date, what a winner. The date card arrives and it says “Let’s take our love to new heights”. Victoria immediately starts freaking out - because of course she does, she freaks out if someone even thinks about looking in her direction. She tells the ladies she’s panicked that they might be skydiving. Well let me remind you…
Victoria F: “Omg I’m so meek and shy I could never walk down the runway”
Also Victoria F: Actual model from past life, walks down the runway in lingerie and makes out with Peter in front of everyone
Well I have another one for you...
Victoria F: “Don’t say it could be skydiving. I’m having a panic attack. I hate falling, I don’t want to fall”
Also Victoria F:
The caption says it all
Well, they don’t end up skydiving. Peter does fly them in a tiny plane (that post-Kobe felt very dangerous) to Cedar Point - aka the place with all the best roller coasters in the world! As a roller coaster aficionado I was very jealous they had it all to themselves. Peter tries to compare love to a roller coaster - saying “We’re on a slow climb to the top, but it’s steady...and now we’re at the top”. Um, hey Pete? The next part of a roller coaster is a rapid plunge to the bottom. Not sure that’s what you were going for big boy.
After a day of riding all the rides and getting caught in an apparent downpour, Victoria toasts to, and I quote: “Our sons having hot moms and successful dads”. Really? I can’t even. But I guess not that surprising from someone who was in a White Lives Matter campaign.
Peter then informs Victoria that he has a surprise concert for her. And this is where the drama begins - because as teased, the surprise up and coming country singer is Victoria’s “ex boyfriend” - Chase Rice!
I can’t imagine the field day the producers had when they pulled this off. They booked Chase Rice as the talent, and then happened to have someone going through the casting process who had dated him. What are the odds? It probably took all they had not to spill the beans ahead of time so Peter, Victoria, and Chase would all be in the dark.
From the second the music starts playing you know Victoria has figured it out
Oh shit I slept with the guy who sings this song
As Victoria and Chase clearly realize what is happening, Peter is blissfully naive. They dance on the platform and makeout, and Peter is all excited that Victoria knows the words to the song. (Side note: The song, "Lonely If You Are" has a lyric about the Bachelor, and is about being a booty call, which I find oddly perfect). It was the most deliciously awkward moment. These concerts already seem so weird - making out on a platform in front of hundreds of people - but with your ex flame singing to you? Peak uncomfy. I’m kind of surprised given her prior behavior that Victoria didn’t just run away on the spot.
After the concert, still-on-a-high Peter goes up to talk to Chase Rice. Chase doesn’t give anything away, but Peter’s so excited he’s made a new BFF, he gives Chase his number, making sure he spells it right “Weber, with one B”
It’s ok Peter, I’m sure he likes you. He’ll text you back. He’s not ghosting you I promise
Victoria and Chase also chat. It goes fine. Chase is perfectly nice and tells her to be herself. But of course, Victoria is freaking out - even more than her natural always freaking out state.
In the evening portion, Victoria works up the courage to tell Peter. She says that she and Chase dated, but she broke it off because his lifestyle wasn’t what she wanted (I have my doubts about if that’s really how it went down, but I guess we all have our side of the story). Peter is flummoxed. He actually can’t compute. “You mean the singer Chase? The guy who was on stage? What? I talked to him!” You can almost see him realize what the producers have done, and how weird being on this show is
Wait? You dated my new best friend? We were boyz!
After telling the story, Victoria runs away, as per usual. Peter goes after her, reassures her that he doesn’t care that she once hooked up with a semi-famous country singer. And she gets the rose. I’m starting to get the sense that Peter falls in love with any girl who cries in front of him, so this was not that surprising. However I’m not seeing this one lasting. I don’t think anyone wants to be with a person who cries / freaks out every 2 minutes.
Group date: DRAMA RETURNS
For the group date, the ladies roll up to First Energy Stadium, home of the Cleveland Browns, the house that...
...built. They are greeted by...Josh Cribbs and Hanford Dixon? When they went to Pittsburgh they got Ben Roethlisberger and Hines Ward.They couldn’t get anyone more famous? Baker Mayfield is in so many State Farm commercials at the stadium I’m sure he was there - he couldn’t just run down? But as OG Tyler pointed out, he probably hadn’t fixed the toilet issue yet. Seems like it’s keeping him busy.
The girls find out they will be playing full tackle football. Now, there have been many a flag football game on this show, but I believe this is the first time they went full pads and helmets.Respect to these ladies for going for it. Not everyone is so thrilled though. Victoria P (who I used to like), pulls a real bitch move and claims her “back is still bothering her a little bit” and instead of participating, canoodles with Peter on the sidelines. This is when I started to believe that Victoria P might be shady. This will be a theme of the episode.
The other ladies, to their credit, ignore Peter giving Victoria a backrub and really put it all out there on the field. They are especially fired up given they are told the loser will be going home. After Hanford Dixon mansplains football to them: “You can’t let them run and make a touchdown. They score, and then we are at a disadvantage”, the game begins. Shiann goes full NFC Championship Raheem Mostert and walks into the endzone 4 times. Not to be outdone though, Kelly and Deandra go full Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce vs. the Texans and come from way down to tie the game at the finish.
Meanwhile, instead of Chris Harrison and Fred Willard, the game is commentated by these people:
Who are these people? Are they aspiring sports commentators and this is the only gig they can get? I feel like commentating this is one notch below ESPN 8: The Ocho (That’s a bold move, Cotton. Let’s see how it pays off).
After the game, Shiann’s team is pissed. They now have to hang out with 13 girls instead of 7. They do tell Shiann they will block for her to go first with Peter though (as if the producers are going to let that happen).
Sho nuf, the evening portion begins and Victoria “My back felt kind of weird so I didn’t play in the game” P, steals him first. The ladies are already angry and on edge, when all of a sudden, Alayah walks by, blows them a kiss and heads toward Peter.
I’m back, bitches
Alayah sits down to set the record straight about what was said about her. A reminder: Victoria P told Peter Alayah asked her to lie to producers about knowing each other. Now in her return, Alayah pivots the argument to say that Victoria lied about how well they knew each other. Nevermind the fact that Alayah was the original liar - she manages to completely leave that in the dust. Apparently Alayah and Victoria went to Vegas together, countering Victoria’s claim that “they only spent like 3 hours together”.
Peter, unable to see through any of this true bullshit and just make a decision based on who he actually likes, grabs Victoria P so they can all 3 hash it out together. After this very confusing deep embrace between the two ladies.
Is it a pageant thing to hold tight to your worst enemies?
...Victoria P starts fully gaslighting poor Peter. She tells Peter she’s baffled, and to listen to her and trust her, but then doesn’t actually have any explanation for the direct lie and starts crying. Over and over again Victoria P keeps saying “I told my truth”. Um Victoria? Sweetie? You can’t just say whatever you want and claim “It’s my truth”. Like, I can claim that my truth is that Shawn Mendes and I are dating, doesn’t mean it’s real. This doesn’t mean I’m on Alayah’s side - but Victoria P is definitely being manipulative as well.
Peter is so confused. His massive problem is that he just believes the last girl he talked to, and uses that to make all of his decisions. Hannah made terrible decisions (Luke P) but at least stuck by whatever she wanted to do and told the guys to shove it if they didn’t like it. Peter is doing the exact opposite.
Case in point: After all this back and forth, Peter invites Alayah to rejoin the house...and then GIVES HER THE GROUP DATE ROSE. What a slap in the face to all the other ladies who literally put their bodies on the line and then got no time with Peter. They are not going to let this one go.
Kelsey’s 1-on-1: Don’t call it a comeback
Wow, Bachelor Nation. If you had told me 2 weeks ago the girl who had a full on panic attack and vicious meltdown about a bottle of champagne would seem like one of the more chill and rational people on the show 2 episodes later I would never have believed you. But that’s how big Kelsey’s turnaround was.
It was a pretty normal date walking around Cleveland. Peter does confess that Alayah is back and Kelsey level-headedly says “Well at the end I don’t want you to have any questions” and lets it go. My only knock on Kelsey is that her vocal energy level for most of it seemed to be at like a 3.4/10. She was saying happy words but they came across so monotone.
In the evening portion - Kelsey tells a very sad story about her dad leaving the family and moving to mexico and starting another family. Peter does his Actually Concerned Face, and Kelsey gets the rose.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel..
At the end of the group date, Alayah went up to Mykenna and Hannah Ann and asked them to catch her up. Instead, Alayah does the talking and drops all the knowledge she got from the internet - including that Chase and Victoria F dated, with a pleased little smirk on her face.
Back at the hotel, Victoria F finds out and is PISSED. Now, as shady as I think Victoria P is, I’m not on Alayah’s side either. This was a low move - she knows that she got to go look at her phone while the rest of the ladies have no contact with the outside world. A point which Victoria brings up when she goes to Alayah’s room and just screams at her (once again, not seeing the whole meek thing there Vicky).
The rest of the ladies are also getting increasingly riled up, leading to the…
Cocktail Party: We have a mutiny on our hands!
Now, I have never seen anything like this before. Peter shows up at the cocktail party with his usual speech about how he can see himself falling in love, and the girls fully turn on him. It was like the real life version of this meme:
Deandra and Natasha both speak up and tell Peter that they were very hurt and disrespected by how they were treated at the group date. And they should be! Good for them. Peter looks like a puppy who was just yelled at, but my favorite was Mykenna’s reaction:
I’m not going to be brave enough to actually say anything out loud to Peter but I’m going to nod my head so Deandra and Natasha know I support them.
Peter gives a semi-heartfelt apology but he doesn’t realize how mad the women really are. He tries to pull Victoria P but she literally tells him “I don’t want to talk to you right now”. Now, I felt like for her this was a little manipulative. Her being shady is partially why they are in this mess. She keeps gaslighting Peter, telling him “I’ve been nothing but honest with you, you don’t trust me.” Um sweetie? Again, we’ve established that you are playing in a world of alternative facts. In Victoria’s defense, she rightfully tells Peter “You asked ME about Alayah”, which is 100% true. I mostly blame Peter.
Girl after girl comes to Peter airing her frustrations and Peter starts to melt down. He knows he’s put his foot in it and doesn’t know how to get it out
I have no idea how to deal with women…
Peter sits down with Alayah and basically asks “Why don’t people like you?”. And all I can think is - Peter, my poor sweet boy, did you forget everything that happened on your season with Luke P? (Side note: I don’t think Alayah is evil like Luke P). It’s the same situation - how do you think you would have reacted if Hannah had sent him home and then brought him back? How mad were you when you didn’t get time with her because he was causing drama? How do you have such a short memory?
We leave off on a “To be continued..” and boy I can’t wait for next week! Peter being a total disaster makes for absolutely fabulous television and I hope he continues to have no idea what to do.
Texts from my mom
This week - mom is out on the ladies, but then is out on Peter
Until next week Bachelor Nation, may the odds (and roses) be ever in your favor,
Audrey
