Hannah - Episode 5b — Bachelor Betch

Well Bachelor Nation,

I’m not sure what I watched for 2 hours this week. Was it an episode of television? Was it a fever dream? Was it some form of modern torture device? Really not sure. What I do know is that according to Chris Harrison ABC ordered extra hours for this season, and what resulted was this monstrosity. Rob Mills - I beg of you, never again

The neverending Luke P Story

We pick back up this week with Hannah telling Luke she can’t give him the rose. After trying to argue his case, he asks if that means he has to leave. She says yes, and that she wants him to respect her decision. Do you think that means he actually respects her decision? Of course not, he’s a complete psychopath.

He gives an ITM interview where he tries to make himself cry but its not going to work because psycho cyborgs don’t have real emotions. He also does the classic narcissist move of saying “I didn’t think this was ever going to happen to me”. Like, it’s not all about you dude. This is Hannah’s life too and her decision.

The face of a man trying to fake human connections

After lurking in the woods for a while, he comes back to try and “fight” for Hannah again. I have so many problems with this. There’s a fine line between fighting to make a relationship work and crossing into stalking and not respecting a woman’s agency. Luke flew past that line. I mean listen to these quotes: “Nothing’s gonna stop me. Nothing’s going to clutter or cloud my mind, except pursuing Hannah.” “I just see her and say ‘YES, that’s what I want”. It’s far too much.

Upon returning, Hannah asks him “what are you doing?”, in a very annoyed tone. He puts on some sort of weird performance which is clearly just another way to try and say what she wants to hear. It was very uncomfy. I didn’t like it. For some unknown reason, Hannah buys it at least a little bit. She doesn’t give him a rose but she says he can stay for the cocktail party and rose ceremony.

The boys back at the house are waiting for the security man to come take Luke’s luggage, and are less than pleased when Luke the cyborg walks in, especially since they’ve clearly been waiting up forever.

My combined mood throughout this whole episode

He has clearly been told by the producers he has to go tell the guys what happened, and they all have to pretend they want to be there and listen to him. Garrett starts his real downward spiral this episode by telling Luke he hopes he didn’t break his promise to not talk about the other men. Luke claims he didn’t, but it doesn’t matter because Garrett just straight up tells him he doesn’t trust a word Luke says (not that I really blame him).

The cocktail party from hell

After Luke prays, we head to the cocktail party. Hannah first talks to Garrett. They have a pretty boring conversation about how they are both glad Garrett opened up, blah blah blah. Then things take a turn. He decides that instead of just letting things be (like I recommend in my strategy guide - more contestants should read my blog), he’s going to ask Hannah if Luke talked about any of the other guys. She says he said Mike, Devin, and Dylan’s names, but it was her who asked him about the situation.

Well this sets Garrett off. Now, I don’t feel bad for Luke, he sucks and is a shitty person. However Garrett and the other guys were really going too far here and bordering on bullying him. I get why they are angry - they have seen him lie to their faces multiple times and then claim “I would never lie to your face intentionally”, but they really blew things out of proportion. Poor Connor S is trying to get his time but Hannah is too distracted by all the yelling and goes to put the men in their place.

Brief recap of what was a lot of yelling - broken up by Hannah leaving and coming back when the yelling doesn’t stop: Hannah tells them she’s frustrated by all the drama, ,its not just Luke that is pissing her off, she knows what’s going on and wants them to all stay in their lanes. She wants them to open up and talk about real stuff.

Most of the guys not directly involved try and pull a Dustin and just pretend they aren’t there

Connor takes it to a new level and just hides in the corner in another room - can you spot him?

I had two favorite moments though. First, when Hannah gives Luke this gesture as he’s running his mouth:

Second, when Hannah pounds a glass of wine in preparation to go back for more putting the guys in their place:

Both of these gifs are now going to be in my regular rotation, as they describe my frequent moods.

Now I have a few other thoughts on this whole run down:

I appreciate that Hannah just tells the men that she’s annoyed with them and what she thinks - it’s refreshing and something we don’t always see in a lead
She’s also basically letting the wheels fully come off which Tyler and I have fully decided is the best quality in a lead. The ones that control themselves are boring
If she’s tired of the drama, she knows where its coming from, just saying. There’s a quick fix and it involves getting rid of Luke
If she is annoyed she’s not getting into deeper conversations with the guys, thats also kind of her fault because she’s the one that keeps cancelling cocktail parties and cutting things short

After they all get yelled out, the men clearly feel bad. Some of them take ownership, like Garrett who admits his part in it and apologizes. Does Luke take ownership? Of course not. He literally says “This is 100% Garrett’s fault”. I rewound to make sure that wasn’t a voice over. Nope - he fully said all of that. God he sucks so much.

Chris Harrison comes in to “comfort Hannah” - but lets be real, to make sure that she keeps going and the show keeps going. He tells her that the guys are causing drama because they all are crazy about her- which feels a little bit like when we tell young girls when a boy is mean to them its because he likes them, but whatever.

We skip to the rose ceremony, and Devin, Grant, and Kevin are sent home.

Then the episode really goes off a cliff

The remaining men and Hannah head to Riga, Latvia. I’ve heard of Riga because I am currently studying world capitals as part of my 10-year plan to be on Jeopardy, but I would bet that at least ½ of the men had never heard of the country of Latvia before.

But, instead of any real action, all we get is a sit down of a CH and Hannah therapy session. This was fine, but then we get ANOTHER sit down clearly filmed back at the mansion, which turns into a weird recap of the season. It’s only been 5.5 weeks guys, I think I remember what’s happened. Also they were talking in present tense, which was super weird given it was obviously not filmed in Latvia. I didn’t feel like re-watching it - but from what I remember there was nothing interesting to report.

However, what was interesting was the preview for the rest of the season basically just gives away that Luke is the one that slut shames her. I don’t know why they decided to do that, but I’m still very excited to see it live.

As always, may the odds (and roses) be ever in your favor,

Audrey